i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
