So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
