Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize