Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
