a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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