period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
