I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
