dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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