We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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