I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
