i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
