why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
