Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
