i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
