You're so nebulous sometimes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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