the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
