Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
