Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
