Just fell off a train. Bad.
North Korea, Best Korea!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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