Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
