They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
