I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
