I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
