recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
