this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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