It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
