I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
