remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
