I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
