Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
