Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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