Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
