The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
