Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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