Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize