Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
