she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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