how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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