So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
