cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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