my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
