im about as happy as oj after his trial
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
