he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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