who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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