It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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