Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
