now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
