Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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