I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
