problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
