Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
