I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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