After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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