I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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