I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
PANTIES FOUND
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