i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
