I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
