Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
