My Higher Power is John Stamos
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
