Duck Duck Cougar?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That was an excessively violent trivia night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's shark week go big or go home
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
