The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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