we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
