Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
bring money and cleavage
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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