Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
