I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
