I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
