oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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