So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
