The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
