He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
