Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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