whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
