The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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