Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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