i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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